Of Moving, Moana, Mental Illness and Movement.


 2017 started off with a perscription given to me by my wonderful father in law. He said--and I quote-- "2017.... sunshine, puppy dog, laughter, garnet and gold, more laughter, lots of love and your own rake."
And I solemnly swear that 2017 has already been up to some SERIOUS good.
But first things first, it's time to announce the Great Move..... that already happened.
We did it. We moved across the country.
Matthew and I started toying with the idea of the Great Move early last year. We started running the numbers, logistics, looking into housing, schooling, work, etc. Everything seemed to be telling us to go! School would be faster and cheaper, housing would allow us to have a lil puppy dog, we would be able to find steady jobs that would allow us to set ourselves up financially, we'd be closer to our Gainer family, and.... we'd have the beach as a backyard which would help IMMENSELY with the battle with mental illness.
Still, something was holding me back. I was afraid of leaving my Carter family, my hometown, my favourite library...
But my Father in Heaven saw these fears and told me to breathe, take courage, and go. So, with shaky knees, I started to prepare.
We came to the area over Thanksgiving break and began to set things up for the Great Move. And of course, I went with my best friends to see Moana for the first time.
And my life changed.
Moana carries SO much wisdom and truth, but for me the personal symbolism was clear.

"Sometimes the world seems against you
The journey may leave a scar
But scars can heal and reveal just
Where you are
The people you love will change you
The things you have learned will guide you
And nothing on earth can silence
The quiet voice still inside you
And when that voice starts to whisper
Moana, you've come so far
Moana, listen
Do you know who you are?"

Tears falling down my face, I felt in my soul that these words were meant for me. Yes, I have scars, but they show who I am and how I've grown. The people I love have changed me. The things I have learned will guide me, and YES that little voice is still inside me. Somewhere.
Come what may, I know the way.
And then as if it couldn't hit me any deeper in the soul, this scene happened.

Yes, I cried.My heart was RADIATING with purpose and courage.
Images of myself as Te Ka flashed across my mind. Mental illness is a very real demon. And in that moment, I felt as though my strength was failing as I became something hardened and bitter and sorrowful at the world.
"But this does NOT define you."
Moana was RIGHT. Te Fiti-- my heart-- was inside me, somewhere. And I was going to cross the horizon to find her. It was only until Moana knew who she was that she was able to deliver the heart successfully to Te Fiti. So, did I know who I was? Was I ready for this journey?
One thing was for certain, the ocean was calling me. It had been for a while now, I just needed to listen.
Come what may, I know the way.
So I never looked back.

We've been settled for just over a month now, and I can already feel my hard shell crumbling away as a blessing of this New Beginning. Remember, "we never lose our demons, we only learn to live above them." And friends, I am finally learning how to appropriately do so. I feel so empowered by those around me and never have my dreams seemed so... attainable.

The moral of this story, friends, is THIS.

"You're allowed to leave any story that isn't yours."
"You're allowed to redefine the MEANING of your life."
"You're allowed to surround yourself with love."
"You're allowed to set yourself FREE."
Healing is out there. Happiness is out there. We just have to find it.
You are the master of your destiny. You are the captain of your soul.

And, maybe, just maybe the call isn't out there at all, it's inside us...
Or maybe it's at the beach because, you know, the ocean.

Also, I know you all are dying to know... Yes, Moana is my new favourite Disney Princess.

Mischief Managed.

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  1. Oh good! SOmetimes a little change is just good for the soul. It shakes things up, makes you figure things out, gives you something fresh and new! New purpose and inspiration! Good luck!!

    1. Change is definitely good for the soul... when our attitude is in the right place! and yes, this fresh start has indeed been refreshing xX but speaking of changes... you have a big one coming your way soon right?? SO excited for you! xX