Of doors and dentists…

16.4.16

Oh, opener of all doors, open for me the best door. 
My life has been magic. And not.
So much good has opened itself to me. And ironically so much of that good has been choosing to leave in the past what was not. Very much like the end of a chapter, the closing of a door, and the promise of a new adventure on the horizon.

My life is measured in checkpoints: references to sorrows, lessons, and growth. My heart remembers each rock that’s been thrown towards my beaten path. And my heart remembers each angel that has lifted me along the way.
Admittedly, in respect towards human beings, I am naïve. Always have been. I am secretly convinced that people are inherently good. But time and time again, I have come to understand that there are people who have forgotten who they are.
Believe it or not, there are people who are so consumed with unhappiness with themselves or with their life that by instinct they lash out, hoping to ensnare some form of control or company. They are snakes so slippery that twist words and reap trust to leave you as empty as they are. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn this lesson, as it is simply stuck on repeat. But, all in all, I am grateful for these moments in my life. Because they’ve taught me to recognize the better doors when I see them and have given me the strength to close old doors. And to leave them closed.
And consequently, I have found the best doors full of light and true love.

 

Closing doors doesn’t ever erase the past, to be sure. Not that I would choose to if given the opportunity. I love who I have become, closed doors and all.

When I was nine, I faced a very traumatic event: I had a tooth pulled. My right incisor was yanked right out of my face. It was stunting the growth of its’ adult counterpart, and had been causing me pain, so I was glad to be rid of it. But in the days to follow, I would stare at my book of choice and run my tongue incessantly over the spot where my little fang had been. Now, the tooth wasn’t hurting me anymore, but I still noticed the space. So, I suppose my seven year old self would tell you, it’s going to take a while, and it may feel like five years, but you will grow a nice shiny adult tooth and someday after braces, you’ll be proud of your mouth.
Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you so much pain. And because then you wouldn’t have a new dollar from the tooth fairy. Eventually, after time, you will heal. And even better things will come your way.

Oh, that reminds me. It’s probably time for a check up.

Speaking of which, it takes time. One of my doors took four years to close completely; another fifteen. A few are still open, a few are still gaping and aching, and a few are now closed and healing. Door by door, I am learning. It has taken experience after experience on top of the hurt, to help me let the anger, the bitterness, and the injustice go. It’s been years. It’s been heavy. It still happens. It’s brought me sorrow, but in the end it’s been me the whole time with the power to swing a new door open and to close the other door on my way out. And to leave it closed. The secret password? Hope.

Have hope, my friends. Life goes on. Change is the only constant. And it does get easier to recognize the doors that you should close—even if you’re very fond of them-- because frankly, they’re not for you.
Sorrow doesn’t stay, neither does fear.
But true love will, and has helped me to learn to hope and to dream of doors not yet created.

My friends, love yourself enough to open and close when needed. Have courage to open the unknown and be strong enough to leave the past in the past. 
My friends, when the right door opens, walk on through and close the one behind you.
And don't look back.

Oh, opener of all doors, open for me the best door.

Mischief Managed.

_kynia

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8 comments

  1. They were standing in a large, circular room. Everything in here was black including the floor and ceiling -- identical, unmarked, handle-less black doors were set at intervals all around the black walls, interspered with branches of candles whose flames burned blue, their cool, shimmering light reflected in the sining marble floor so that it looked as so there as dark water underfoot.(level 9, Department of Magic) I love you!!!!

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    1. okay, that's one door that will always be open. always. Love you too my dear! <3

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  2. I LOVE this post Hun. So well worded and beautiful, it really conveys your feelings.

    pinksmartiesblog.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. thank you for reading love! I appreciate you! xX

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  3. You've raised and discussed such an interesting point; you're absolutely right - it's a case of loving ourselves enough to know when to close/open doors!

    Gabrielle | A Glass Of Ice
    x

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    1. "We accept the love we think we deserve". I'd like to think this applied to all types of relationships, with people, careers and life pursuits in general. If you believe you deserve the best, you won't settle for anything less! And you do deserve the best xX thanks for reading!

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  4. I absolutely loved this post - it's a topic I think of quite often myself. When I look back, there sure were some things that brought me sadness, but I wouldn't have been where I'm at today if they hadn't happen! I feel like it's important to learn from every experience, whether it's positive or negative, and I think this constant learning is what makes life beautiful

    http://allure-square.blogspot.com

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    1. yes, yes! Wow-- you are so WISE!!! I completely agree! that's what I love most about blogging: it helps me examine my life and learn what I can. thanks for reading xx

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