Things I Must NEVER Do At Hogwarts.


1. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
2. I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.
3. I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
4. I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.
5. I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.
6. I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."
7. I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
8. I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.
9. I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."
10. I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin House mascot.
11. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.
12. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.
13. I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."
14. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
15. It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.
16. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
17. I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.
18. It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.
19. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
20. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."
21. I may not steal the Bludgers and release them during Potions class.
22. I may not throw a wild, raucous party the day before an exam.
23. In fact, I'm not allowed to throw a party at all.
24. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
25. Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."
26. I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.
27. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or pirahna.
29. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster" not "my liege".
30. I will not tell Professer Trelawney that I prophecised her death.
31. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's postbox.
32. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor First Years as Christmas decorations.
33. I must remember that just because there are only 3 Unforgivable Curses that doesn't make every other curse "pretty much forgivable."
34. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
35. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
36. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.
37. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.
38. I will not hide in my wardrobe and pretend that the reason I was late for class is because Narnia really does exist.
39. I may not sell Hermione's homework for profit.
40. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does NOT count for extra credit.
41. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
42. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
43. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what
44. I must remember that the Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The Library is Closed For an Indefinite Time Period” amusing in any sense.
45. I must remember that calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
46. I must remember that I do not weigh the same as a duck.
47. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
48. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged
him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.
49. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.
50. But yes, I will do it all anyway.

***Important: i do not own these ideas, i found them on the internet and thought i would spread the love. :)

Mischief Managed.


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  1. Anonymous22.3.11

    Like, times a million. Oh, I have soooo many more to add :P

  2. I especially like number 31

  3. Anonymous17.5.11

    oh dear bellatrix! you need to visit me again at hogwarts (please dont bring voldy this time!) and we shall do it all!!